BAD RELATIONSHIPS ARE GIFTS

  

"All, everything that I understand, I understand only because I love."    Leo Tolstoy

What lessons have you learned from the love in your life?

While lying in bed sleepless a few days ago, I started thinking about a conversation I had with friends ... Both told me to “Never give up on love”. What they are not getting is, I have not given up on love, am just cleaning my flat (read on you will get it.... #wink)..... , and making space for the new tenant. I don’t know how long it will take, all I know I don’t want the new tenant to find it messy…..

 

 No matter how badly or sadly a relationship ended, there is always something to learn from that experience. Whatever you learned is your gift. Very often a current or past "failure" is what fuels us to the very success that we’ve always dreamed of. Past relationships give us a clearer picture of what we want and what we don't want in a relationship if we only take the time to examine them.

The key is to, “take the time to examine them”.  Whatever we do, we shouldn't move to another relationship until we have performed this examination. Here is a comparison to make my point. When you renting a flat, you are required to pay a refundable deposit fee and you are refunded this deposit if you leave that flat in a good condition. Consider your heart as the flat and your self-esteem and self-worth as the deposit. If you don’t adequately clean your flat (your heart), you will not get the deposit back (your self-esteem and self-worth intact). Renting offices agents would not dare think of renting an office to a new tenant without first cleaning it up, cleaning out and refurbishing that space. Do the same for your heart; clear away the debris of pain, disappointment, anger, fear, etc. before inviting another guest to occupy your heart.

Now let’s get back to failed relationships as gifts.

One gift a failed relationship can give you is the power of contrast. If you can muster the strength and courage to let go of an unfulfilling relationship, you will soon see just how much precious time and energy you were wasting on something from which you were not reaping any reward.

Another gift a failed relationship can give you is the power of vision. By finally realizing what you don’t want in a partner, you can focus on building your vision of what you do want in a partner. You can now focus on what points of compatibility you desire in a partner.

For the gift of a failed relationship to really be useful, you must decide to bless the relationship and let it go to make room for the type of partner you desire and also to free your previous partner to find a more appropriate mate. In reality, there are no “failed” relationships. Begin to view past relationships as incredible gifts; some relationships offer more incredible gifts than others but gifts nonetheless. As the saying goes, people come into our lives for a reason, a season or a lifetime.

We may never understand or know why we were in a particular relationship. We may never understand or know why people come into our lives and then leave. What I've learned is that if a relationship isn't working, it is not a bad thing or a failure as I believed. It is merely that you, and perhaps the other person have learned what it is that you were supposed to learn by being in a relationship with that other person and it's time to move on to other "lessons."

The purpose of all relationships is to help us to grow--personally and spiritually. Even the most painful and ugly relationships can be gifts in learning more about ourselves, strengthening of our intuition and learning to accept the truth when we see it. The greatest gift of a past relationship is that you now know what you really want in a mate. So instead of looking at a relationship that didn't work out the way you had hoped as a failure, I suggest you look at it for the gift that it is.

I AM: TIME

There is so much I am aiming for in my life, often with so little time to get it all in one bag. I am constantly on a chase against time. There is no time for games, I am on the ball.

While I am rushing, I sometimes forget or lose sight of the most important things. I forget that there is one person who holds time in his hands. There is one who is completely in control regardless of how in control I may think I am. That one person is the great I AM. In this case, he becomes “I AM TIME”.

He calls us to seek him FIRST and with that comes all the other things that we will ever need (Matthew 6:33: “But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and His righteousness; and ALL these things shall be added unto you.”) The “All” is inclusive of the very things I consider important and are pursuing with everything within me. God is on my side, he wants to bless me with ALL these things. He is like a proud father who takes pride in the success of his child. I have to remember that he cares about every business in my life; he does call me the apple of his eye after all.

What does this mean, do I seek him and then seat back and relax. What it means is this- while I seek him, he guides and leads me into my promised land. Each and every one of us has a “promised land”, that which we desire, our destinations.

MY God is very meticulous, has great attention to detail; very careful and precise and leaves no stone unturned. That is how God works in my lives when he is allowed room. He knows the end from the beginning while I have limited insight. I can never outdo God in this. From the beginning of time, he knew it all and the best way to do things in my life is through his wisdom.

I have discovered that whenever I lose focus and pursue my dreams without God, I end up very frustrated with no peace of any sort, let alone achieving the desired outcome. 

On the other hand, when I seek God and operate from his wisdom, I find that I can go a long mile without losing my peace. Because I now know this, whenever I feel out of sync, I check my relationship with the one who holds the key to my success. If out of place, I reconnect and keep moving.

A journey through the life of an Academic

                A journey through the life of an Academic

Sibusiso Moloi


Sibusiso Moloi an emblematic boy from Soweto registered for Bsc in Animal Health Studies for the academic year 2007. In 2011 he graduated top of his class with cum laude. He then enrolled for Honours, specialising in Animal Nutrition.  He added another cum laude to his acolades.  Moloi is currently doing his final year in Masters, still willing to push through all the way to PhD, given the opportunity, of course.

With his profound love / zest for animals, it’s no wonder this young man from Soweto has decided to dedicate his life to academia. Moloi's focus is not only on books. He has contributed in extra academia contributions such as; being a Supplementary Instructor (SI) Leader since 2010 to 2011, a peer mentor from 2012 to date, also a member of the Golden Key International Honour Society which focuses on scholastic achievements and excellence.

Even through a series of challenges Sibusiso hasn’t backed down from a fight for his education. Through the 2008 strike, to the loss of his mother early 2012. Today he dedicates his honours qualification to his mother’s memory. To cope with his loss, he put more focus on his academic activities. Now he appreciates the NWU Mafikeng campus: “It gives you the platform to grow, with not too much pressure at that. As compared top universities like if I studied in Johannesburg, I just can’t imagine the kind of pressure I would be in by now”. He says with a little chuckle. All of us might not be destined to being academics, but he has set the bar too high. Hoping that his fellow students, will soon follow through.  

               Article published in :The Album "NWU- Mafikeng"

 

 

 

 

To my beautiful Niece on her 4th birthday

Hey Kgatontle My Doll! Today is your fourth birthday. When did you get to be such a big girl...really time flies. I remember that day when you were just born and see now you are a big girl.I can still recall the moment I got the news of your birth. I was not there but I felt like the happiest aunt on earth.

My dear #MissKgato ! You are the most special child to me .Maybe because you are the eldest baby at our home .You are the one who filled my heart with so much happiness, laughter and love. No matter how far we are, my love to you will always remain the same, you’ll always be close to my heart, you’ll always be my bestest friend...

I still remember your first sight, your first smile , your first word and your first crawl .  

Few lines for you on your special day-

It’s your birthday

And I’d like to say

I wish you great health

I wish you wealth

I wish you happiness

A day you will enjoy

with friends and loved ones

May God always protect you!!!!!

Lots of Love Aunty Jabz

Do I regret meeting you?

Do you regret meeting me?????????

Since my blackberry decided to die on me ... I had to dig in my house for a phone I can use in the interim... There I found it, my ever reliable Samsumg M3200... Great times I had using this mobile phone.......

What caught my eye was a very particular SMS from an ex boyfriend, made me laugh, and sad at the same time.... memories... memories...

Do you regret meeting me????

I guess I probably answered yes, based on the fact that I was hurt at the time and couldn’t imagine life without him...

Today

I don't regret meeting you. You are the reason I am here today. I do, however, regret believing the things you said to me.

Open Letter to my parents

Dad & Mom , my sadness knows no end;
I can’t believe you’re gone;
I grieve for you every day;
It’s hard to carry on.

You were always there to support and care.
I cannot comprehend.
You were my teachers and pillars of strength,
Oooh , so good and strong;
Your example sustains me now,
And will last my whole live long.

I am trying to communicate;
I hope that you can hear;
Expressing what I feel for you,
Helps me feel you’re near.

My memories of the times we had
Help the pain to go away.

But Dad & Mom,  life is not same without you;
I miss you every day.

A part of me went with you;
You left a gap too big to fill;
You’re were my heroes;
I love you and always will.

Chasing Happiness

It’s the last days of 2012, a year that proved to be an extremely challenging year for me. Along with it being challenging, 2012 was extremely intense. There were days where I was convinced that I had woken up right in the middle of a horror movie, very dark and confusing days; one would swear the universe has a vendetta against meL.

On the other end of the scale, I had days that remain stamped in the memory carefully placed in my ever-so-busy mind, a part of my entire existence. For most of the part, I managed to keep “my sanity” on and stay afloat in the ocean called life. I must admit, I am no super heroine; I couldn’t have done it alone. Soothing potions of advice, unconditional love and support from family and friends kept strong when I felt weak. Faith kept me together when my world was crashing down. It protected me and kept me balanced while life continued to throw its challenges at me.

This battle within is a painfully difficult one, mainly because it’s a one-woman war. A little introspection can shake your entire world. Digging deep and truly discovering who you are is a challenging process, so challenging that some people avoid doing it all! (I commend those brave enough to take time to truly discover who they are and, once they do, remain true to themselves.)

As I continue to bend from the bullets life keeps throwing at me and as I continued to purse all the things I want, I unconsciously postponed my happiness. I often say “If I get [wish/need/want here], then I’ll be happy.”

Part of me, happiness is a destination i work so hard to get to, a pursuit. Somehow, the challenges I face in life scam me into believing that I can only acquire happiness once I have dealt with the punches life throws at me. 

Another me, happiness is a foreign concept, a sacred reward of some sort, an exclusive benefit for those who seem worthy of it.

If happiness is a choice, it means that I can consciously make the decision to be happy this very moment! If am waiting for happiness, am i going to wait my  whole life?  Like a dog chasing its own tail, the ‘pursuit of happiness’ is a total waste of time. It is possible to be happy while pursuing all the things I want in life!

As much as life continues to attempt strangle me, I too continue to fight back with a huge grin on my face. I choose to laugh at times when I should be crying, sing at times when I should be moaning, dance at times I should be ‘down and out’ and crack jokes when people least expect me to.

I do so not because I am in denial of all the “BS” life tends to throw at me or because life’s punches have left me brain damaged; I do so because I choose to. One day, I made the conscious decision to stop chasing after happiness. The moment I began to retreat from my pursuit of happiness was the very moment happiness effortlessly landed right onto my lap and bounced straight into my heart. Regardless of what may happen, I choose to be happy and it’s something that can never be taken away from me. I took full advantage of the opportunity that freedom of choice brings… Who is with me?