Do I regret meeting you?

Do you regret meeting me?????????

Since my blackberry decided to die on me ... I had to dig in my house for a phone I can use in the interim... There I found it, my ever reliable Samsumg M3200... Great times I had using this mobile phone.......

What caught my eye was a very particular SMS from an ex boyfriend, made me laugh, and sad at the same time.... memories... memories...

Do you regret meeting me????

I guess I probably answered yes, based on the fact that I was hurt at the time and couldn’t imagine life without him...

Today

I don't regret meeting you. You are the reason I am here today. I do, however, regret believing the things you said to me.

Open Letter to my parents

Dad & Mom , my sadness knows no end;
I can’t believe you’re gone;
I grieve for you every day;
It’s hard to carry on.

You were always there to support and care.
I cannot comprehend.
You were my teachers and pillars of strength,
Oooh , so good and strong;
Your example sustains me now,
And will last my whole live long.

I am trying to communicate;
I hope that you can hear;
Expressing what I feel for you,
Helps me feel you’re near.

My memories of the times we had
Help the pain to go away.

But Dad & Mom,  life is not same without you;
I miss you every day.

A part of me went with you;
You left a gap too big to fill;
You’re were my heroes;
I love you and always will.

Chasing Happiness

It’s the last days of 2012, a year that proved to be an extremely challenging year for me. Along with it being challenging, 2012 was extremely intense. There were days where I was convinced that I had woken up right in the middle of a horror movie, very dark and confusing days; one would swear the universe has a vendetta against meL.

On the other end of the scale, I had days that remain stamped in the memory carefully placed in my ever-so-busy mind, a part of my entire existence. For most of the part, I managed to keep “my sanity” on and stay afloat in the ocean called life. I must admit, I am no super heroine; I couldn’t have done it alone. Soothing potions of advice, unconditional love and support from family and friends kept strong when I felt weak. Faith kept me together when my world was crashing down. It protected me and kept me balanced while life continued to throw its challenges at me.

This battle within is a painfully difficult one, mainly because it’s a one-woman war. A little introspection can shake your entire world. Digging deep and truly discovering who you are is a challenging process, so challenging that some people avoid doing it all! (I commend those brave enough to take time to truly discover who they are and, once they do, remain true to themselves.)

As I continue to bend from the bullets life keeps throwing at me and as I continued to purse all the things I want, I unconsciously postponed my happiness. I often say “If I get [wish/need/want here], then I’ll be happy.”

Part of me, happiness is a destination i work so hard to get to, a pursuit. Somehow, the challenges I face in life scam me into believing that I can only acquire happiness once I have dealt with the punches life throws at me. 

Another me, happiness is a foreign concept, a sacred reward of some sort, an exclusive benefit for those who seem worthy of it.

If happiness is a choice, it means that I can consciously make the decision to be happy this very moment! If am waiting for happiness, am i going to wait my  whole life?  Like a dog chasing its own tail, the ‘pursuit of happiness’ is a total waste of time. It is possible to be happy while pursuing all the things I want in life!

As much as life continues to attempt strangle me, I too continue to fight back with a huge grin on my face. I choose to laugh at times when I should be crying, sing at times when I should be moaning, dance at times I should be ‘down and out’ and crack jokes when people least expect me to.

I do so not because I am in denial of all the “BS” life tends to throw at me or because life’s punches have left me brain damaged; I do so because I choose to. One day, I made the conscious decision to stop chasing after happiness. The moment I began to retreat from my pursuit of happiness was the very moment happiness effortlessly landed right onto my lap and bounced straight into my heart. Regardless of what may happen, I choose to be happy and it’s something that can never be taken away from me. I took full advantage of the opportunity that freedom of choice brings… Who is with me?

 

The Job Search Continues…

This whole looking for a job thing is the absolute worst.

 

My emotions are all over the place. One minute, I am feeling confident and determined, the next annoyed and discouraged and the next very helpless.

Why can’t I get a job?

Ooops wrong question, I can get a job. I have actually been offered four jobs in the past last year. I accepted one, turned down the others. Zero have been utilizing my education, skills and experience.

What do people do when they haven’t found the job of their dreams?

Or do they just wait….and wait…and wait….

I have to improve my job search, get past my inability to network, maybe stop underselling myself, finish that Marketing Course, or quit doing work for free, but I’m not giving up on my dreams. There is no alternative. No Plan B. No consideration of working a job I hate.

Maybe this is what they call perseverance. Or stupidity. The good thing, the blessed-by-God thing, is that I don’t have to do anything else. I don’t have children depending on me. All I have is time to try and try and try some more.

Eventually, it will pay off.

                                          One day, I will get a job  and I will look like this.

 

Battling with myself: What I know vs What I Feel

Lately living with me has been a battle... all things happening at once:

This is what I KNOW and not what I FEEL at this moment L  - I KNOW

I’m strong, happy, satisfied, successful, loving, kind, giving, serene, joyful and on the right path so I will let the emotions run their course, do their work and lay the demons to rest. It’s a moment to exercise some patience with myself - a chance to be kind and let myself cry on my own shoulder. Lord knows I need my own pity party.

This is how I Feel - I am experiencing every negative emotion known to mankind right now .I am angry, disappointed, hateful, revengeful, frustrated, sad, anxious, battered, lost, grieving... I am human..... I am allowed to...

One thing is certain, the road I am on, the lessons am learning, will forever be grateful for them

My Inspiration

Movies

The Pursuit of Happyness

Martin Frohm: What would you say if man walked in here with no shirt, and I hired him? What would you say?
Christopher Gardner: He must have had on some really nice pants.

 

Christopher Gardner: You gotta trust me, all right?
Christopher: I trust you.
Christopher Gardner: 'Cause I'm getting a better job

EAT PRAY LOVE

“I have a history of making decisions very quickly about men. I have always fallen in love fast and without measuring risks. I have a tendency not only to see the best in everyone, but to assume that everyone is emotionally capable of reaching his highest potential. I have fallen in love more times than I care to count with the highest potential of a man, rather than with the man himself, and I have hung on to the relationship for a long time (sometimes far too long) waiting for the man to ascend to his own greatness. Many times in romance I have been a victim of my own optimism.”
― Elizabeth Gilbert, Eat, Pray, Love

My Sisters Keeper

 

 

 

Kate Fitzgerald: Do I look pretty daddy?

Books

Bible

Favourite Scripture

 

I kissed Dating Goodbye  

“Don’t concern yourself with being right in others’ eyes. And don’t secretly hope that their lives will fall apart so that your opinion will be vindicated. Instead, concentrate on obeying God in your own life and, when possible, helping others to obey Him as well. You don’t have to prove others wrong to continue on the course you know God has shown you.”
― Joshua Harris, I Kissed Dating Goodbye: A New Attitude Toward Relationships and Romance

In the Meantime: Finding Yourself and the Love You WantbyIyanla Vanzant

 “You have set standards for how you want to be treated and what you expect from yourself and for yourself.”
― Iyanla Vanzant, In the Meantime: Finding Yourself and the Love You Want

Music

Here I could go on and on the list is endless:

Ntate ya lerato: From Difela tsa Sione

Ho dula le ntate

Ho bua le yena

Ho molemo ho monate

Ke monyaka ho nna

Fifeng la bosui

Ha ke fadimeha

Ha ho tsabo le bodutu

Ke bua le Yena

Ha le phirimille

O nneya boroko

ke llala ke motshepile

Ntate ya Lerato...

Mary Mary : Cant give up

I just can't give up now

I've come too far from where I started from
Nobody told me the road would be easy
and I don't believe he brought me this far to leave me

Dear Men...

Dear Men...

· You are a “special” breed.
· The World needs you. (Rolls eyes)
· Women love you
· there is no creature alive that drives us (women), crazy in the most horrible and most wonderful ways. Yes. There is no doubt.

There are just a few really important things you need to either be reminded of or educated on...

Less yadda yadda more ching ching (and bling bling)

Any woman who tells you she doesn’t love money is a liar. Repeat after me:

Women Love Money.

We want to earn it. We want to spend it. We want you to earn more and we want to know that some of that is being spent on us. Sharing is caring guys. And you know what “they” say – a happy girlfriend / wife means a happy life. We know that money can’t buy REAL happiness but let me tell you – we will settle for that shallow kind of happiness that a new top or earrings bring every now and again. Spoil your woman!

All women fake orgasms...

Not all of the time but sometimes and usually when we do it, it is to protect your ego. Whatever the reason just accept that the next time your woman is delivering her sexy moan, and yessss give it to me baaaaaby".... There is a 50/50 chance that she is feeling nothing down there. That's right. A big fat 0 (that's a zero by the way – Not THAT "BIG O you are amazing" type O).

There are just nights where you can be moving like Theo Kgosinkwe (of Mafikizolo) and we are just not feeling nothing. Sometimes what you do works and sometimes it doesn’t. We love it when it does, but the reality is that our vaginas are more complicated than us and even harder to please.

So when our pleasure palace is on strike and we are just having sex with you to keep you happy and from getting it elsewhere – we get our fake freak on. This normally entails us mimicking the sounds and actions of a porn star. You of course get excited to the point of no return. You cum and thanks to us, you do so with your ego intact. Not ideal. Not what you wanted to hear, I know.

But let me put this into perspective for you..Would you rather have an enthusiastic “ yess yess thats it big boy” that is fake OR a “Sorry honey, your average-size penis just wasn’t hitting the spot tonight” that is the truth? I am guessing you are going to go with option A.

While on the subject of sex kindly be advised of the following: We do not like swallowing your love juice. Please stop forcing the issue. We do not want to feel like we are taking part in Fear Factor every time we give you a blow job.

Fanny farts are really embarrassing for us. Do not laugh like a school boy when it happens. Pretend you didn’t even hear it. We fake orgasms to protect your ego, the least you can do is feign temporary deafness. OK?

When you are going down on me please take your time. Do not be eating like it is your last meal.

Please neaten up your nether regions. If you want that area to get special attention best you be trimming or shaving. There is nothing worse than a ball hair stuck in your throat or in between your teeth. Gross. Sort that bush out!

The perfect woman...

Please accept that we want you to believe that we are cute, pretty little things that never sweat, have bad breath, burp, fart or do the number 2. We want you to buy into the fantasy that we always smell nice, look good and we wake up with minty fresh breath and dewy skin.

If you feel us waking up before you and sneaking out of the bed – don’t wake up and grab us back into bed for a quickie. Trust me – no woman feels sexy first thing in the a.m! So in future if you want GREAT GOOD MORNING SEX - pretend to be fast asleep and let us go to the bathroom, brush our hair (only to mess it up again so it doesn’t look like we have brushed it – it’s called perfecting the bed-head look), let us brush our teeth– we will climb back into bed ready for some morning glory! A confident woman is better in bed. Fact. And we feel confident when we look good.

The perfect woman does exist – you are with her right now. And she works flipping hard to keep up her little perfection act. And it is not about being fake or anything. We just want you to feel like you won the lottery every time you look at us. Play along and play your part! And while you are at it, show some appreciations will you?!

Cheating...

Do you remember the first time you saw your woman? Do you remember what it was that drove you to go up to her and make conversation? Perhaps it was her smile, her eyes, her body maybe it was just the way she was laughing and having a good time with her friends.

Do you remember how excited you were to see her –all.the.time? The sex was great. Everything was just fantastic and you made her your own. Your prized possession.

Why does it all change in your brain after a few years (for some of you months)? What is it that makes you forget all those wonderful things?Would it be so hard for you to remind yourself of these things next time you feel the urge to stick your tongue down (or penis in) another woman?

Come on man, get your sh*t together. You have a woman. She loves you and once upon a time you were just as wild and hot for her as you are for the chick giving you the eye at the bar. Stop being so easily led astray. A little flutter of the eyelashes and a compliment from a stranger and all resistance and commitment flies out the nearest window? It's moments like these, you know...when your brain cells start travelling from your head to your penis that you really need to be strong. Get up and go home. Do whatever but DO NOT CHEAT! Is it not enough to know that another woman found you attractive? This surely means you've still got it going on. So go home and get it on with your woman!

The ex files...

We don’t like her. Ok? No matter what we say, no matter what you say – we do not like her. We cannot help wondering if the sex was somehow better with her. We are jealous of all the things you did with her and have not done with us yet. We hate that she has a rocking body and we do not. Please do not stay in contact with your ex. Unless of course you share a child or two. Then it is a different ball game. Other than that there are no exceptions...

All women are insecure. Even the most beautiful ones. Keep reassurance at a constant “all time high”!

She is your past and we are your present – hopefully your future too.

You Mustn't Quit :By Edgar A. Guest

When things go wrong, as they sometimes will, When the road you're trudging seems all uphill, When the funds are low and the debts are high, And you want to smile but you have to sigh, When care is pressing you down a bit Rest if you must but Don't You Quit! Life is strange with its twists and turns, As every one of us sometimes learns, And many a fellow turns about When he might have won had he stuck it out. Don't give up through the pace seems slow You may succeed with another blow. Often the goal is nearer than It seems to a faint and faltering man Often the struggler has given up When he might have captured the victor's cup And he learned too late when the night came down How close he was to the golden crown. Success is failure turned inside out The silver tint of the clouds of doubt, And you never can tell how close you are, It may be near when it seems afar So stick to the fight when you're hardest hit It's when things seem the worst That You Mustn't Quit!

I’m Woman!

I'm every woman, it’s all in me, anything you want done, baby I do it naturally …..  singing in Whitney’s voice….

Thinking of the challenges women face every day, celebrating women should be a daily routine… being a woman is not easy as a pea.  I’m 100% certain all women can attest to this!

Woman’s strengths are not easily defined and are truly boundless:

·         Dealing with dreadful period pains EVERYMONTH accompanied by moodswings and crazy cravings …. Pregnancy…. Giving birth is a matter of life and death. It's definitely the hardest thing a woman should endure.
·       Walking/Running in 6-inch stilettos
·         Spending countless hours are the beauty salon
·         Endless hours doing house chores
·         Mother our men and our children, hold the fort at home  and work work
·         Doing all this while looking like a million bucks!

I think it’s safe to say that Superman has been given way too much honor, fame and recognition!!!!!

·         Oh and let’s not forget about the pressures to be the ‘acceptable’ weight

Women are kind, sensitive, survivors, caring, warm, compassionate, loving, emotional, nurturing, many are broken, battered, bruised and alone amongst so many other things but above all…Women are strong!

I’ve found myself curled up and crying my eyes out… asking “why me??” and wishing I was a man but have managed to rid myself of that absurd notion ‘cause why would one want to be a man when women are beautiful objects of desire, women bring life into the world, people are more likely to rush to the aid of a helpless woman

It’s been said that
·         We live longer
·         We get aroused without the whole room knowing  
·         My personal favourite … we can always blame our mood swings on PMS!
·         We can wear any kind of clothes and any colour of our choice without looking odd.
·         We can wear men's clothes without them calling us lesbians.
·         We can stroll around with t-shirt and short and still look cute and cool.
·         We can have as many hairstyles as you want, as long as we can carry and manage it.
·         We can wear light and heavy make-ups. Make-up enhances our natural beauty.
·         We don't need to pay for bills (dinner, snacks, drinks etc.). What's the use of our charms?
        Let men pay for your dinner.
·         We can be emotional and cry your heart out.
·         We can take advantage of "Lady's first" rule.
·         We can be with our girl friend without anybody thinking we are lesbian.
·         We can loudly scream when watching horror movies. Nobody cares!
·         We can freak out over mouse, cockroaches and snakes without looking so foolish.
·         We don't need to change your flat tire. Just wait until someone comes and show your damsel in distress expression to them, they will sympathize with you and do the repair for free.

Earlier I posted about Maya Angelou’s; here is a snippet of “Phenomenal Woman” is a mantra ALL women should live by. The core concept of this poem is the value of inner beauty, charisma and personality as tools of beauty compared to physical beauty. Throughout the poem she explains what makes this woman charming, but mostly, why this woman is phenomenal,

Enjoy!!!!

Phenomenal Woman
I walk into a room Just as cool as you please,
And to a man,The fellows stand or Fall down on their knees.
Then they swarm around me, A hive of honey bees.
I say,It's the fire in my eyes,
And the flash of my teeth,The swing in my waist,
And the joy in my feet.
I'm a woman
Phenomenally. Phenomenal woman,That's me

Dr. Maya Angelou

Dr. Maya Angelou is a remarkable Renaissance woman who is hailed as one of the great voices of contemporary literature. As a poet, educator, historian, best-selling author, actress, playwright, civil-rights activist, producer and director, she continues to travel the world, spreading her legendary wisdom. Within the rhythm of her poetry and elegance of her prose lies Angelou's unique power to help readers of every orientation span the lines of race. Angelou captivates audiences through the vigor and sheer beauty of her words and lyrics.

 I read this, thought it was quite interesting and as a fan and admirer, wanted to share. I also encourage you to visit the website for Dr. Maya Angelo.  http://mayaangelou.com/

Maya Angelou was interviewed by Oprah on her 70+ birthday. Oprah asked, what she thought of growing older. And, she said.

  

"I've learned that no matter what happens, or how bad it seems today, life does go on, and it will be better tomorrow."

 

"I've learned that you can tell a lot about a person by the way he/she handles these three things: a rainy day, lost luggage, and tangled Christmas tree lights."

 

"I've learned that regardless of your relationship with your parents, you'll miss them when they're gone from your life."

 "I've learned that making a "living" is not the same thing as "making a life."

"I've learned that life sometimes gives you a second chance."

 "I've learned that you shouldn't go through life with a catcher's mitt on both hands; you need to be able to throw some things back."

 "I've learned that whenever I decide something with an open heart, I usually make the right decision."

 "I've learned that even when I have pains, I don't have to be one."

"I've learned that every day you should reach out and touch someone. People love a warm hug, or just a friendly pat on the back."

 "I've learned that I still have a lot to learn."

 "I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel." Wise Love Quotes

 

MUSIQ SOULCHILD - LOVE CONTRACT : My Wedding Song #Hint to future hubby

Ah ho, yeah, uh ho...

Never thought I'd be the one to, wanna have this one girl that I can run to.
Spend most of my days trying to fight the feeling.
Then out of nowhere the thought is so appealing.
I used to spend my days trying to run my game on some beautiful face with a nice tight frame.
Didn't matter if it's love, didn't think about the pain. But now I'm grown and I'm sexy and I'm ready to change.

Baby....I, I'm thinking it's time I stop the running around settle down and give my heart to you.
Cause I finally found out there's no one in the world who can love me the way you do.
And I just wanna say thank you baby.

For the record girl I love you (I love ya). And in my heart there's no one else above you.
And I'm so thankful that you stuck beside me (yeah).
Cause without you girl I don't know where I would be.
Thru all my silly talk, arguments I made, all the nights I left you lonely so I could play.
Didn't matter if it's love, didn't think about the pain but now I'm older and wiser, it's a brand new day.

Baby I, I'm thinking it's time I quit the running around settle down and give my heart to you.
Cause I finally found out there's no one in the world who can love me the way you do. [repeat]

I'm gonna love you, I'm gonna love you, I'm gonna love you (better),
I'm gonna love you, I'm gonna love you (forever) girl (hey) and settle down give my heart to you.
Cause I finally found out there's no one in the world who can love me like the way that you do.

WHY WOMEN STAY IN TOXIC RELATIONSHIPS

We women live in hope that things will change a particular situation / person by merely holding onto someone who usually or often shows signs of no interest.

ANY woman can get caught up in a bad relationship - be it the  Ms CEO or the cleaner who sweeps up after you in the ladies room.

So let's break down those stereotypes and figure out why women - all KINDS of women - stay in bad relationships.

1) Fear of being alone. I know in this day and age, we women are supposed to be tough and fearless, but it's not always the case. We can behave as though we're tough and fearless, while inside, we long to be wanted/ loved by our partner.

2) The devil you know versus the devil you don't. There's something comforting in staying with your partner - bad relationship and all - because at least you know what's next.

3) Fear that this is the best there is out there. A lot of women who have been in bad relationships, especially - have their self-esteem eroded slowly by their partner (and life) so much that they honestly believe their current partner IS the best they'll ever get.

4) "It's not that bad." I don't know how many times I've run across those words on my life. We women believe mistakenly that because our story isn't as graphic or as horrible as someone else's, it's not really worth it to talk about our partners who really only get upset when they "do something wrong."

5) You're a perfectionist. Everything you do is the BEST out there. Therefore, your relationship must not be broken; it's just facing "challenges." The idea of failure is so tremendous that leaving never even crosses your mind.

6) You LOVE HIM - plain and simple.

7) You believe he will change. He says he will. He's TRYING to change. You just make him SO MAD. If only you STOPPED making him SO MAD!

8) He makes you feel special beyond compare. Even if you're not quite good enough (his words), he'll manipulate you into feeling grateful that someone like him could be with someone like YOU.

9) You can't see how truly bad it is. Whether it's because you've been isolated from friends or family or you don't want to see how bad things are, you don't have any idea things have gotten this dire.

How do I know all this? I've been there, too. Until I decided to take matters!!!!!