Monday, 3 December 2012

Chasing Happiness

It’s the last days of 2012, a year that proved to be an extremely challenging year for me. Along with it being challenging, 2012 was extremely intense. There were days where I was convinced that I had woken up right in the middle of a horror movie, very dark and confusing days; one would swear the universe has a vendetta against meL.

On the other end of the scale, I had days that remain stamped in the memory carefully placed in my ever-so-busy mind, a part of my entire existence. For most of the part, I managed to keep “my sanity” on and stay afloat in the ocean called life. I must admit, I am no super heroine; I couldn’t have done it alone. Soothing potions of advice, unconditional love and support from family and friends kept strong when I felt weak. Faith kept me together when my world was crashing down. It protected me and kept me balanced while life continued to throw its challenges at me.

This battle within is a painfully difficult one, mainly because it’s a one-woman war. A little introspection can shake your entire world. Digging deep and truly discovering who you are is a challenging process, so challenging that some people avoid doing it all! (I commend those brave enough to take time to truly discover who they are and, once they do, remain true to themselves.)

As I continue to bend from the bullets life keeps throwing at me and as I continued to purse all the things I want, I unconsciously postponed my happiness. I often say “If I get [wish/need/want here], then I’ll be happy.”

Part of me, happiness is a destination i work so hard to get to, a pursuit. Somehow, the challenges I face in life scam me into believing that I can only acquire happiness once I have dealt with the punches life throws at me. 

Another me, happiness is a foreign concept, a sacred reward of some sort, an exclusive benefit for those who seem worthy of it.

If happiness is a choice, it means that I can consciously make the decision to be happy this very moment! If am waiting for happiness, am i going to wait my  whole life?  Like a dog chasing its own tail, the ‘pursuit of happiness’ is a total waste of time. It is possible to be happy while pursuing all the things I want in life!

As much as life continues to attempt strangle me, I too continue to fight back with a huge grin on my face. I choose to laugh at times when I should be crying, sing at times when I should be moaning, dance at times I should be ‘down and out’ and crack jokes when people least expect me to.

I do so not because I am in denial of all the “BS” life tends to throw at me or because life’s punches have left me brain damaged; I do so because I choose to. One day, I made the conscious decision to stop chasing after happiness. The moment I began to retreat from my pursuit of happiness was the very moment happiness effortlessly landed right onto my lap and bounced straight into my heart. Regardless of what may happen, I choose to be happy and it’s something that can never be taken away from me. I took full advantage of the opportunity that freedom of choice brings… Who is with me?